Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Blondie's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, May 7th, 2003
5:34 pm	Hunger I am so hungry right now. I have no food in my house (because I am moving out in a like two days) and I have no money to go buy food. This is a sad thing. I have a test tomorrow...and I cannot study. No focus. It sucks a lot. Plus my boyfriend is running around like a crazy person to get things done for school. He kinda sounds like me right now! Gosh, I cannot wait to be done with school. I am so jealous of Shal... can you feel me giving you the evil eye sista!? You shouldn't because I am not giving you the evil eye that bad. I want to get my dog soon. I miss her! She is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I just love her little pink nose. Obviously, you people can tell that I am hungry because I believe nothing that I am writing is making sense...will write more later when have smart brain (and fed brain). Toodles! (Comment on this)
Friday, May 2nd, 2003
4:10 pm	Days from hell... Quick update... I hate group projects. You assign things to people and expect them to do it right, but they don't. For example, I had a twenty page paper due today and all we assigned this girl to do is the works cited. You think she could write down sources used in the paper correctly...hell no! Plus we had other group meetings to get our information together (the research and such) and she only made one meeting out of six. SOB! Anyways, we also had to do a power point presentation on the paper we wrote and present it in front of the class. So the group got together last night and the works cited is not done right, there are a lot of other little problems with the paper that yes, had a lot to do with this specific girl's lack of effort, and then she had the freakin nerve to leave at 7:30p.m. last night. Well, long story short, my group and I stayed working on this project and fixing her mistakes untill about 11:30 last night. If she had stayed (or just done her work correctly to begin with) we probably would have been out of there at 9:30. I am serious...this girl is pissing me off. So then, we have to present our project today and I am dead tired but I still presented my information o.k. This slacker chick gets up in this nasty outfit (her boobs are like saying hello to the whole world, and this is after she lectured us that if we wore skirts above the knee that she would mark us down on our evaluations) and just reads off her notecards. I doubt she even read through her material before she came to class today. Anyways, I gave the girl a 30 out of 100 points on her evaluation. SOB!!! So that pisses me off. So then I decide to go to the mall and spend some of my birthday money (my boys gave me a gift certificate to Express). I am just cruising the mall trying to blow off my past three weeks of school stress. So I finally get back to my apt. complex and am parking my car and my dumbass self hits the car next to me. I fucking hit a parked car. SOB!!!! I am so pissed off at myself. So I left a note on the car next to me and apologize profusely (I feel SOOOOOOOOO bad) and of course I don't have a camera up here to take a picture. So I call my parents (they were so cool about it just saying that we all make mistakes) and I am crying because I am so mad at myself. So since I have no freakin camera I have to use my non-existing artistic skills to draw how I hit the car and where exactly I scratched. All in all, this week has sucked. I am so ready to be out of school. Deep breathes...all I can do right now is take deep breathes and hope I don't hit any more freakin cars. SOB!!!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 24th, 2003
7:48 pm	The week from hell Let's see how my week has been. Monday, meeting at 6p.m. Test on Tuesday, test Wednesday, test Thursday. Meetings on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night. Tomorrow I have a 5-10 page paper due. So this week just in school life has been stressful. Monday I am called a bitch and stupid whore by my roomate who I no longer want to be friends with anymore (for pretty much obvious reasons). She called me immature for not hanging out with her more. I don't understand how that correlates at all. So pretty much there is tons of tension in my apartment right now and I am feeling kinda shitty about myself. It is hard to feel good about yourself when someone calls you a bitch. But then I have wonderful friends like my Al and my Vernon. I swear, I don't know how I would make it half the time with out them. Matthew has also been wonderful too. Right now Matt is looking at lab breeders so we can get one when I get out of school. I am really excited! It will be fun to have a little puppy to raise, go running, go camping ext. with. I cannot wait to go camping this summer. Al, we are going so just you watch out child...you will be spending quality time with me!!! I love the warm weather and just staying out really late because the sun does not go down until like 8:30. I love going walking really late and it's all warm with friends or a loved one. Yay for summer! So now that this week from hell is almost over I am SO looking forward to my weekend. I am walking the Cherry Creek Sneak with my Mom and Matt on Sunday. On Saturday I am taking some of my old prom dresses to Melanie (Matt's little sister) so she can maybe use one of them for prom! She is such a stud, a freshman going to prom! Woo hoo! I hope the rest of you have had a decent week and a great weekend! I love you!!! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
12:42 pm	I finally update! I am so quality! I don't even remember the last time I updated. It has to be at least a month or so. Well, life is pretty good right now. I am SO SO SO excited for school to be done (well at least this semester). Matt and I keep on talking about all the fun stuff we will do this summer. I cannot wait for the warm weather, the late night walks, ice cream, running in the morning, camping, Maris and Paul moving to Colorado! Yay! That is SO exciting. I cannot wait for my sister to be close to me again. I have a feeling that I will be making more trips to Boulder this next year. Since Marisa, Paul, and Shal live there, trips will be necesary! I had the best weekend with my boyfriend! I ditched school on Friday and went snowboarding on Friday and Saturday. The snow was great and the weather was great, and of course Matt was great. Our friend Eric also came with us so it was great to hang out with him. However, we (as in Matt and I) depressed him because we are in love or something of that sort. He felt like a third wheel. OK, I am sorry, but this whole third wheel shit is starting to piss me off. I don't even understand how people feel like a third wheel. I cannot even tell you for how long I was the third wheel on my friends dates in high school. They would even make out with me sitting there. But I got over it. And honestly, them kissing did not bother me that much. Matt and I barely kissed the whole weekend (and maybe three times total when Eric was in the room). So people who may feel like third wheels, get over it! Especially if you are friends with both of the people that comprise the couple. Sorry for ranting. But I continue my rant. Why is it that people feel that they are only happy when they are in relationships? Eric was miserable in his past relationship, and he is miserable now. How do people expect relationships to work if they aren't happy with themselves first? My roomate has been saying the same thing lately too. Why can't people be patient? I know I have probably no room to talk since I am in a sublimly happy relationship, but I went through hell to get where I am now. I've dated some horrible guys, but the whole time, I slowly discovered who I am. When I met Matt, I knew who I was, I was happy with my life, and I wasn't waiting around for a man to come make me happy. So to all you people out there looking for love, stop looking! Work on yourself and make you happy, know who you are, and love who you are, and love will come find you. OK, I am really going to stop ranting now. But nothing exciting has been going on in my life. I got school and stuff like that. But I love you all and hope you have a great life! (Comment on this)
Monday, February 3rd, 2003
9:36 pm	Joy for snow!!! I am so glad it snowed! Snow is such a wonderful thing. I love looking out my window and just listening. Snow is so silent. It's very peaceful. I think I just love weather. I hate it when it's just overcast. What is that about? Nothing is really happening. But when the sun is blazing and it's 90 degrees outside...I love that. All you want to do is throw on a swim suit and go swimming. I love how weather drives me to do things. Example number two, I love it when it snows because it makes me want to go snowboarding like nothing else in my life! Just knowing that the mountains hold this wonderous winterland of snow for me to cruise down the mountain is a wonderful thing. I love rain too...the sound of rain is probably one of my favorite sounds in the world. Woo hoo for weather! Had a good weekend. I saw "The Recruit" and fell in love with Colin Ferrel. Sexy man. Plus the movie is really good. I love those spy, keep you on the edge of your seat kinda of movies. Another really good movie like this one is "Spy Game" with Robert Redford and Brad Pitt. High quality flicks. My roomie and I have actually reversed roles. Normally she is the sad one and I am the happy one trying to bring her up. Well, now it's sorta like she is the O.K. one (she's not extrememly happy or extremely sad, just norm) and I am sorta the moppey one. What's up with that? Boo on that shit. Time to run around like the crazy woman I am. Speaking of running, man do I love it. There is nothing like running to just clear your mind, blare some music, and blank out. I love it. That and yoga. I am a self proclaimed yoga addict. I MUST do it at least once a week. If you want to find balance in your life, you should try it. Plus it is an AMAZING work out. Who woulda thunk it? I am missing my boyfriend (like always). I hate not being able to see him whenever I want. But in May I will be home and can see him at the drop of a hat. I love that man. Good nite to all. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 30th, 2003
1:34 pm	la la There is not much going on here in my land. Well, that's not completely true. I have been reading more then I probably have any other semester. I swear, if I don't keep up on my reading this semester, my grades will be poo. Plus I think this might be the one semester where my dreams of having a 4.0 would come true. Life would be glorious then! The wind. Dear god! I have never lived anywhere with so much wind. Which brings up another point...why is Bush in such a goddamn hurry to go to war? That man keeps on doing shit to piss me off. In case you haven't noticed, I am on a rampage to save the earth. I have turned vegetarian, want to go to a peace rally, am taking an environmental health class and an american politics class and I swear by the end of the semester, I may banish all hope of being a nurse and go join the peace corps. Anyways...why Bush pisses me off. I think all he really wants to do is drop a nuclear weapon on Iraq and wipe them all out. Because that is how the U.S. solves problems. Go in, invade, kill all you can, then get the hell out. Sounds like a bull shit reason to me. When this does happen (b/c I am starting to think war is inevitable) there is wind currents. Within a day, the U.S. is going to have nuclear wind currents in our country and we are going to soak up radiation by going outside, eat radiation in our food, and breath radiation. Sounds pretty fucking stupid to me. PLUS- this is the main reason I am pissed- is because countless innocent people are going to be killed. My sister's fiance (Paul), his brother is in Iraq and honestly I would like to meet him. I don't want him to have to die in a war. I don't want Paul to be called back into the service so he has to go fight a war. He has become the brother I never had and I would be extremely pissed off if that happened. I would move to Canada. Seriously. Plus one of my best friends from high school is in the Air Force and if she has to go to war I would be devestated. Bush is pissing me off. Another reason Bush is pissing me off. He has appointed someone who is homophobic to run the AIDS relief program in our country. What the hell is that about? We have a horrible AIDS problem in our country, and unfortunately a big problem in our homosexual community. So Bush appoints someone who is homophobic? What is that about?!! I don't understand this president. The thing that pisses me off the most is that if I had been old enough I would have voted for this man. Why must the United States be the world's police? Why must he constantly want to go to war? I feel like most of us (including myself) have forgotten that we have troops in Afghanistan fighting a war. Two wars at one time? All of that money going to waste. I read somewhere that the war with Iraq will cost around $11 BILLION dollars. Extrodinary amount of money. Why don't we feed the poor? Build more homes? Make more companies so there are more jobs? Give more scholarships to college? Give more money to farmers so they don't have to have chickens, pigs, and cows living in unsanitary, disgusting conditions (sorry, I won't get started on that rampage)? Bush pisses me off. Sorry to go on such a tangent today but all this has been weighing on my mind. The thing that scares me the most about this is when Iraq finally decides that they have had enough of Bush and decide to maybe attack the U.S. Everyone I have talked to says they do not have enough power to cause serious harm to the U.S. But what if they do decide to try? Innocent people are going to be harmed in that situation also. Ok. I must get back to my work. Pray to whomever you pray to and sleep well. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 27th, 2003
11:35 am	Weh? Life is sorta confusing right now but I am proud to say I am working through my confusion with good spirits. Life is not always spelled out for us and we need to take hits as they come. This weekend was fairly good. I got to spend it with my boy which is wonderful. I am finding myself missing him more then I ever have before and it's really difficult. I don't know exactly why I am missing him more now then before. Maybe it's because things are SO good between us. We are communicating better then we ever have before and it feels so good. I feel closer to him then ever and everytime we have to leave each other it hurts a little more. I hope I become numb to the "good-bye" pains like I did last semester, only because it allows me to function a little better. I will find my mind drifting to thoughts of him when I should be reading about childhood development. Other things I am sad/have confused feelings about are that three years ago today (but I think of it more on Superbowl Sunday because that was the day it actually happened) we sweet grandpa passed away. Thank god it is easier to deal with that but ALWAYS on the days that my grandparents passed away I feel like a part of me is missing. So I am thinking of my papa today and all the good memories I have of him. Another sad thing is one of my best friends from middle school, who I really don't keep in touch with, her dad died after a LONG battle with cancer. I feel SO bad for this friend. I know how close she was with both of her parents and cannot even imagine what she is going through. Her mom battled cancer about 2 years ago while my friend's dad was on his 4th year of battling cancer. Her mom is in remission (thank god) but her dad was not able to pull through. So my thoughts and prays are with her today while she has to bury her father. I cannot imagine losing my father. If you know me at all, you know I am my father's child and he is really the one who my personality takes from. So lots of thoughts today. I am thinking about other stuff too but I think this is the stuff that weighs the most in my mind. I miss my papa. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
11:20 am	Back to school... Back to school. Back to school. So my daddy don't think me a fool! Ok. So I don't really know the words in Billy Madison but you all can deal. Not much going on here. I was at home for a month which is why you haven't heard from me. I boycotted the computer except for three days when I decided I should check my e-mail in case an emergency should occur. I slept. I worked out. I watched more Oprah then any normal person should. I read about four books which my boyfriend teased me about because there were some nights that I would rather stay at home and read then go out. I see nothing wrong with that. I went to Shal's cousin's wedding and much fun learning how to dance Indian. I looked like a fool but I LOVED IT! (note to my best friend: there is a new movie coming out, I think it is somewhat of an Indie flick, and it's about this tomboy Indian girl who reminds me so much of my best friend and she is this really good soccer player and her parents are strict Indian parentals and we have to see it together! It looks like the "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" of the Indian world and Bri wants to come with us to see it. I'll let you know when it comes out!) O.K. Sorry for getting so sidetracked. Started school today. I have eight o clocks every day but that's ok with me. I am done and it is only 11a.m. so I have the rest of the day to do whatever I want to do. In otherwords, I need to get a job. I thinking I should work at a coffee house like two days a week. I don't need a ton of money, just enough to support my coffee habit. I am addicted in a bad way. I love coffee, yes I do, I love coffee, how about you!!!? I drink at least a cup every day. But you know what, I find coffee comforting, and it makes me happy. There is not much in life better then sitting with a cup of coffee in the winter and watching a movie, chatting about everything with your boyfriend, or reading. I love it. My individual and family studies professor looks like Santa with a Harley Davidson makeover. It's quite hilarious really. My other professor seems really cool. I am taking First aid and emergency care so I don't think it will be that hard. That's all from my land right now. I will try and write more so you all can know about my dull life. But hell, it may be dull but I LIKE IT! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 15th, 2002
8:51 pm	ahhhhhh!!!! Jarad is coming to Fort Fun on FRIDAY!!! AHHHHH!!! I haven't seen him since MAY PEOPLE! MAY!!! You have no idea what this means to me...I am so excited. Screw finals, I am going to do a happy dance around my living room! (Comment on this)
7:58 pm	what is there to say... Let's see...where do I start. It's finals. I have a cold. Not a hard core cold, but enough to hinder my thinking somewhat. I do NOT want to study at all. I am just WAY too excited about going home and getting to see my boyfriend (well, I am kinda excited for that), read whatever I want, and chill with my friends. I need to be able to relax right now so bad. I feel like my head is going to explode. I have a huge anatomy accumulative final that is just FREAKING me out but instead of studying for it, I choose to do other things. Got into a huge fight with my boy yesterday. It really sucked. We really resolved everything and things are wonderful now but for some reason I am still a little stressed about the whole thing. I hate being mad at people. It really takes a lot of energy out of me. I was still on bad terms with him when I went to my roomie's office christmas party and the party was really fun but I had the fight with my beau in the back of my head. Well, I go to check my messages at ten and there are two from Matt and he is being all sweet in them. Which is cool. But then, I figured out that he was probably up in Fort Fun with a suprise visit. So I had to drag my roomie out of her party (she was kinda pissed about that since I was her ride home) and came home to find my boy. It was SO SO SO SO SO SO incredibly sweet of him to do that and I really appreciate it (so honey, if you are reading this, I REALLY loved that you came to see me). We talked about the argument and things were good as we fell asleep in each other's arms. It was REALLY good after a day of arguing (we don't argue ever) to fall asleep in his arms and just know that our relationship will be able to work through anything if we want it to work. I know...so cheesy. So I feel stressed. I sound like an old woman because of my cold. I need to study. I have been snacking all day which I don't think helps my perception of myself right now (in other words I feel fat) and I just can't wait for this (finals) to be done with!!! AHHHHH!!! Message to my best buddy (AL) feel better STAT! (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 12th, 2002
9:53 pm	sick Could our bodies possibly pick worse times to give out on us? Seriously! I wake up this morning with full intentions of studying when I get home from school, but instead, I wake up with a sore throat, stuffy nose and a body that aches like hell. It really sucks. How am I supposed to get all my studying done when I feel like crap!? Ah! Plus I am in a bad mood. Studying for finals does not put someone in a good mood anyways, but on top of that, I miss my boyfriend and family like hell and cannot wait to go home and just sit on my butt and take it all in. Take in the spirit of this holiday that is supposed to be so joyous, but instead, I am stressing about not having ANY idea of what to get the man I love for Christmas and am stressed that I am sick to the point that seriously, this journal entry has been the most productive thing I have done all day. Up untill this point, I have either been on bed or on the couch thinking about all the stuff I SHOULD be doing, but I wasn't. Being sick sucks. I wish all of you well and pray that you aren't sick. If you are sick, make yourself some tea, curl up in bed and take a nap because you will feel better after, I promise. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 9th, 2002
2:05 pm	long time...no talkie Sorry for not writing in this for such a long time. The main event of my life happened last Wednesday. I went to the Counting Crows concert and it was AMAZING! I got to stand in the front row and smile at Adam Duritz and dance with my boyfriend and it was just SO much fun! The opening band was pretty decent and I got to talk with them and they were pretty cool. But the main thing...I MET THE BAND! AHHHHHHH!!! THey were so fucking cool...I cannot even tell you. Adam and I talked about Ben (the drummer leaving) and he was telling me about how they are auditioning new drummers and such. It was so cool! I was a little sarcastic with him too...can you believe it!? I was sarcastic with Adam Duritz! Hee hee! It was awesome. I am still giddy about it. I think Matt (my beau) is too. We talked about it a lot this weekend. My Saturday night was interesting too. My boyfriend and roomate proceeded to get incredibly drunk and I got to take care of them. My roomie danced around a party grinding on random people. My boyfriend would wander around and leave me to talk to different random people while I wondered where he went. Oh well. But my night did not end there. I got to come home and talk to my sad roomie (her guy was a jerk at the party) and after leaving my boyfriend, thinking he was sleeping, to find the bathroom locked. I have to pick the lock and find him passed out on the toilet. Charming night...I know. So much more going on but I need to study for my test. Talk to you all soon! Love ya! (Comment on this)
Monday, December 2nd, 2002
8:15 pm	How strange life can be... I think I start every entry like this, but here it goes again...I should be studying, once again I am not. My Thanksgiving break was pretty good for the most part. It was just too damn short. I didn't get to see any of my out of town friends and that pissed me off. Why couldn't I just take some time and actually see them? I just seems so easy, I see no reason for myself to make excuses about not seeing them. It's just pure bullshit that I do that to myself and them get pissed off afterwards. I have always been one of those people who gets a phone call and TRULLY means to call back, but I just space or something and don't end up doing it for like three days. I guess I am just a bad friend. My all time favorite band is playing in Denver on Wednesday. You would think that would be enough to lift my spirits...it's not. I am in this strange funk. I don't understand it (I guess if I did understand it I would be able to get myself out of it). I think I will diagnose myself with college syndrome. I have been going to school since August of LAST year with no break. A week is not a long enough break. I need time just to sit on my ass an read a book all day. Or go to Starbuck's with a friend and sit and chat and not worry about a test I should be studying for and little things like that. College syndrome also consists on the fact that I have NO money like many other kids out there. And it pisses me off. I decided that I would get a job next semester. I have class from 8-11 a.m. everyday (I am a morning person) so I can have the rest of the day to do whatever I want. Well, I brought up the idea to my parents and I swear to the Goddess they will disown me if I get a job. I DO NOT understand it. My little sister has a job and they don't seem to mind. AH!!! My boyfriend has not been incredibly supportive in the decision either. I know my parents think my grades will drop if I get a job but I don't really understand why Matt doesn't want me to have a job? I am talking a job only Mon-Fri, in an office or something, or a nanny. Having some extra money to actually buy food would make my life so less stressful; I am NOT about to ask my parents for more money, they pay for enough all ready. Why can't these important people in my life support me? I also will probably be living on my own next year. Another thing my parents will not support me on. I have NO friends living in Denver still, they WILL disown me if I live with Matt; so what the hell am I supposed to do? I would not mind living by myself. I have discovered that I really like time by myself. I like being able to not have to answer to anyone, make dinner when I want, go work out when I want, and not have to wait for anyone (I have to wait for a roomie sometimes as I am sure you all know). I told them I would buy a dog as an extra saftey measure, I am taking a self defense class next semester...I am getting a lot more muscle, I doubt very many people would mess with me (Tammie says that she would never piss me off just because she knows that if I wanted to, I could beat her up, hee hee). I just don't understand it. I think it's time for me to finally just do my own thing. If that means cutting my parents off 100% financially, I guess I will do it. I have no choice. I seriously think that since I am almost 20 my parents have to let go completely. I finally understand what my sister has been saying all these years. My parents have let me go mentally for a long time, they trust the person that I am. But they keep some control over me by having money that should just be "mine" when it is really my parents loaning me money. O.K. I am tired of bitching. I need to actually learn about kidneys. I love you all and hope to talk to you soon (Al!!!!!!). (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 10th, 2002
9:21 pm	quickie! OK people, this entry will be a quickie. BIG test tomorrow. Kinda stressed about it. I have been studying on and off since about 11:30 a.m. this morning and studying hard core from 6:30-9. Still don't feel prepared. Why do teachers load up SO SO SO much information for one test? It would be SO much easier to have one test a week on that information so we would HAVE to learn as we go. Maybe I am crazy but I think it's a good idea. My beau came up to Fort Fun this weekend and we had a blast! Friday we went out to dinner with friends, joined my roomie at a party where we were the only sober people there. Good times....good times. Came home early and went to bed. (I love sleeping...sleeping is good). Saturday we did nothing really, I attempted at learning some of my material for my test but decided that it was more important to snuggle my boyfriend. We (Matt, Tammie and I) decided to go see Jackass which is good for a cheap laugh. We went to dinner at Bennigan's (man, that place never let's you down) and talked for like an hour AFTER dinner. I think that's so wonderfully strange when people can sit and talk for an HOUR after dinner. It was nice. Came home early and set up my t.v. in my room (finally!) and watched it and looked in magazines. We all then fell asleep on the couch watching a movie. Once again, went to sleep early. Then this morning Matt and I got up early, went to breakfast and took a walk around Fort Fun. It was so incredibly beautiful and peaceful to just walk around old neighborhoods with my boyfriend's hand in mine and just talk about little things. I LOVED IT! That boy just knows how to make my day wonderful. It's such a good thing. I am going to the Broncos vs. Raiders game tomorrow night! Kick ass! GO RAIDERS! People, I grew up in L.A. so all you Coloradans don't even GO THERE! Raiders rule and that's all there is to it! Speaking of sports, what is up with the Avalanche? We have lost to the Mighty Ducks, not once, but TWICE?!!!!! This is outrageous! Ludicrous! It must not happen again! All you Av's sportfans out there, we must rally together and watch our Avalanche play and root for them from the privacy of our own homes or at the games! We must become the most loyal, outgoing, outspoken, annoying fans hockey has ever known. This must not happen again! O.K. so I am a little passionate, but seriously, the DUCKS? This is just plain bogus... O.K. Must get back to my studies. Do you know what a hemopoesis is? I do! Yay! I am gonna do well on my test? Why!? Because I am insanely hyper for no apparent reason and because I say I am going to do well! I will update all of you lovely people on a later date! Farewell!!! Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 5th, 2002
8:52 pm	O.k. I little caliblondie update. Not much really going on. I have a test next Monday that I am all ready starting to study for so you all don't have to hear me freaking out saying how I didn't study as much as I wanted to later on this week. However, I do have two papers due next Friday so I will be a little cramped the rest of the week trying to get those done. Why is it that all our school work seems to pile up on certain weeks? I swear, if students only had one test a week, we would all be better off. Happier students, happier professors because their students would be happier and it would be happiness on school campuses. Anyhow, enough of that. I actually cooked this evening and I have to say that this meal will probably become my specialty. It's a beans and rice recipe, which, I know, does not sound exciting, but it is SO good. If any of you ever want me to make it for you, just let me know. The only bad thing is that my hands smell like onion and garlic for awhile. Yuck. Oh well. At least I enjoyed a tasty meal. (Isn't it funny how college students can be proud of themselves for making meals like beans and rice? I would laugh at myself if I wasn't myself...confusing myself now.) My mom went and visited my sister is Seattle and was happy to report that sister is doing ok. She is madly in love with her beau (which is a damn good thing considering she moved to Seattle for him) but misses us (her family) terribly much. She cried after she left the airport. Any girl who has a sister could probably vouch for this next statement, you can never replace the bond/friendship/love you have with your sister. Ok, when sister was living in Fort Fun with me, I thought she was a pain in the ass half the time, but there is nothing like having someone to call and snuggle with when you feel bad. She was still living here when Sept. 11 happened and it was SO nice to have her in Fort Fun with me. We snuggled and hugged and cried, ate italian and watched "When Harry Met Sally" with me so we could not think for awhile. Sure, you probably have best friends that you could do that with (I have 4 best friends that are practically my sisters), but having that bond of also knowing that you made it through other horrible things together just made things better. Sisters are your partners in crime growing up. Sure, they may blame you for breaking the lamp, but if you take the punishment, you know that next time she will take the blame for something you actually did. At least that's how my sisters and I did it sometimes. Basically, what I am trying to say, is I miss her. I have this naiive notion that my sisters and I will all get married and have children and we will live within 2 hours of each other so our kids can be close cousins (not like the cousin relationship I had) and us three sisters can sit around on summer days, sip lemonade, and talk about how much our kids remind us of when we were younger. I am sure we will do that, but I would like to be able to do it whenever we wanted to. I sometimes think in families that there are certain roles each child plays. There is usually one child that stays close and takes care of their parents forever. That will probably be me. There is also the one child who is just wild and crazy and lives up to the saying that "you get twice back of what you gave to your parents". That's my little sister. Then there is always the one who sits back, absorbs everything, and is always there for everyone even if she can't be there physically. That's my older sister. It's funny to think about stuff like that. It was the same for my dad and his family. Same roles, just different order of kids. I feel bad for people who do not have good relationships with their parents. I hear my roomate "talk loudly" with her mom on basically a every other day basis. It's like they cannot agree about anything. And then there is me amd my mom (and dad for that matter). I can get on the phone and talk with them for hours and giggle and maybe have a serious discussion every once in awhile, but we don't really yell or anything, or even get upset for that matter. I wonder how things like that work. Sorry to be talking about families so much tonight friends. Mine mean the world to me so I think about them alot. My dad is going to his mom's one year memorial service on Nov. 23 and I offered to go with him in case he needed extra support. I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately, and my yia yia too for that matter, and how hard it must be for him. I cannot imagine losing my parents so I cannot imagine how he must feel. I hope we (his family) give him all the support he needs. On a lighter note, I am going to the Raiders vs. Bronco game next Monday! Go Raiders! It is gonna kick major ass. I am gonna spend the night down in Denver because I don't have school untill 11 on Tuesday and I do NOT want to be driving and hour after that game, especially with all the drunkards on the road. I miss my boyfriend. I am gonna marry him someday. Scary for someone as young as me to be saying huh? Craziness. (I apologize once again for being all "insightful" or whatever this evening.) I really want to live with him next year when I start going to nursing school because if I don't live with him, I will probably live alone. My parents will not go for that. They don't really go with me living with him. They say it would be a completely different story if we were engaged. AH! ENGAGED?! Am I really ready for that? I have been asking myself that a lot lately. I think I am. I know I am gonna marry Matt. Not for another 2-3 years (when I graduate from nursing school is the timeline I am looking at). So why not be engaged? It kinda seems lame though because of all that stuff I just said about my parents being o.k. with us living together if we were engaged. But if I was engaged, I think that also means that I become financially independent, which I COULD do, but don't think I am ready for. Lots to think about lately. Or maybe these are unsong worries. Who knows. All righty, I am gonna go study, call my sister, and listen to Counting Crows. Life is so kick ass! :) Current Mood: thoughtful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
10:29 pm	lordy lord Today has been a really shitty day. First I woke up later then expected and had to rush to get ready for school. Then, once I got to school, I forgot my mid-morning snack (i usually eat a piece of fruit around 11) so that made me cranky because I was hungry. Then I went to check on my statistics grade and found out I did not do so hot on that test. That was supposed to be one of my "easy A" classes. Turns out its not. Then I come home to find my room SUCH a mess. I cannot live in messy space, especially when it is so small (my room is pretty tiny). Then my roomate wants to go work out so I don't have time to clean my room. I come home and decide I want to dye my hair a darker color. It comes out looking HORRIBLE and so I have to start calling every salon in Fort Fun at 9 o clock at night leaving messages because none of them are open. So now I have to look at this nasty hair with a pit in my stomach, praying that I can fix it some how (even if it means fixing it with large sums of money). My roomate who dyed my hair feels so bad, which makes me feel worse. I wish she would've said "it doesn't look that bad" but no, she has to be honest. (O.K., I really do appreciate honesty so much more, but understand it is a bad day for me). So then I try to get some homework done, it doesn't happen. I have to wake up early tomorrow so I can hunt down a hairstylist to fix my hair, I haven't done very much homework this week and my boyfriend and roomate are trying to convince me to ditch class on Friday so we can drive to Denver slowly and be safe. O.k, I don't want to go to my classes either, but I SHOULD go and it doesn't help having people encourage me not to...especially since I am not doing too hot in all my classes. O.K., so I am not failing, but I HAVE to keep my GPA up to at least a 3.0 for the nursing school I want to get into and I all ready sincerely doubt I am gonna get in. This is a stressful thought everyday. What if I don't get into the nursing school I want to go to? Then what happens? What am I gonna do? Life is too stressful right now. People don't want to listen and goddamn it! I should not feel so sorry for myself. There are people dying in third world contries and here I am bitching about a hair color. God, we Americans are fucked up. I say Americans becuase I know MANY other people in this country who would think a bad hair dying job is almost tragic besides me. Lordy lord. I think I am just gonna go to bed before I have to write anymore silly, trivial things that I will be mad at myself about tomorrow. Current Mood: bitchy (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 24th, 2002
10:18 pm	All right then! I best get started...what is there to say? I have had an incredibly peaceful week without the evil Beth roomate to talk to. She just comes to the apt. and shuts herself in her room. I don't know if she even showers here anymore. I don't really care though. That child has issues. I miss my boyfriend terribly and cannot wait to see him tomorrow. We are gonna go see a stupid movie and I am going to make him dinner. I will make something special and see if I can put my cooking skills to use. What a second...I have no cooking skills! AHHH! Oh well...you have to begin somewhere. Counting Crows...OH MY GOD! Where do I begin? The excitement that rushes through me right now, I cannot even tell you. Don't even offer me alcohol that night people! I want to remember EVERY SINGLE moment at that concert. I love that band. How is it that people can get so attached to a certain band or a certain kind of music? I am attached Counting Crows so much because they have a song/cd for every mood I have. It's like they never let me down for finding some beautifully poetic thing to say about what I am feeling at a certain moment, only I am not talented enough to say it in the way they say it. Listen to a Counting Crows song and you will know what I am talking about. Matthew (my beau) bought us tickets today and I am just SO excited! Doing a little happy dance people! Ok...another reason my boyfriend kicks ass. I asked him to go pick up checks (I ran out of checks this week...oye) at my house and he ended up talking to my mom for over an hour. How wonderful is that? My boyfriend can sit and talk to my mom while I am not there for an hour. I think that is just SO wonderful. But then again, it is easy to do because my mom kicks ass. She is the most wonderful and influential person in my life. You know how most girls hate the idea of turning into their mothers? Well, for the most part, it would not be bad if I turned into my mom. Yes people, that is how kick ass my mom is. If you have met her, you know. O.k. Sorry to brag about the people in my life, but they really are so amazing. Then again, why would I surround myself with people who weren't amazing? Exactly! I have told my best friend this forever but I think I should say it more and think it more. People are the only reason for living. Seriously. Imagine your life without one other person on this planet. Sure, you could probably survive, but it would be so meaningless. No love, no caring, no conflict, no dislike. It would be so boring. I love people. I really do. Sorry to be all "words of advice" on ya, but people should live by that. People are the only reason for living. Current Mood: energetic (Comment on this)
Monday, October 21st, 2002
11:41 pm	me should be sleeping... I am finally starting to get college kid insomnia. I did not have it at all last year, 10:30 on a school night, you could find me in bed. At 10:30 now, I am just starting to THINK about bed. Oye! I went and saw Shal Friday and it was SO incredibly enjoying seeing her. Her friends were so wonderful to meet and just cool people in general. I am going to have to visit her more. She is going to visit me this weekend and we are gonna have some good times at Halloween parties! Kick ass! Beth has threatened to move out but Tam and I have yet to see any evidence of her actually getting out of here. Tam and I decided today that we are going to talk to the leasing office tomorrow and ask them about this whole situation (since Beth does not talk to us at ALL anymore). Have you ever noticed how relationships with girls can be SO incredibly difficult? That is why I probably have the friends I do. Shal, Matt, Eric, Tam, Vern and Barrow. Not a lot of people, but at least I can say they are all my good friends and we would die for each other...no matter what. I went to the mall today and celebrated my 1/2 birthday (which was yesterday) by buying the cutest shoes! O.k. not the most productive thing to do with my money, but everytime I think about them, they make me happy! Matt and Eric are taking Tam and I to see "Dracula" the ballet next weekend. Tammie and I are such girls, we got so excited when they told us and started running around screaming and picking out outfits to wear. This is not even for two weeks people. Girls are funny about stuff like that I guess. We did the whole running around screaming thing again today. We decided that we would be angels for Halloween, Tammie the dark angel, me, just an angel (psha!) and Matt would be our devil! Hee hee! We went and bought the most AWESOME angel wings you have ever seen! They have real feathers on them and they bend and they are just so cool!!! I cannot wait to wear them. Tammie and I joked about wearing them to work out today...do you think people would have made fun of us? My boyfriend kicks the most ass out of anyone I know. I left my cell phone at his apartment on Sunday and when I called him to ask if he had it, he told me he would Fed-Ex it to me tomorrow. Instead, about 45 minutes later, he shows up at my door with Eric, hug, kisses, and cell phone in hand. Which means, when I talked to him on the phone, he was all ready driving up to give it to me. I love him so freaking much! That is just so sweet of him to do. How many boys/people do you know that would do that for you? Not a lot! Sorry, I am bragging about being lucky and that is no good. Chai tea is addicting. Especially chai tea from Mugs, this coffee shop Tam and I go to at least 2 times a week it seems like. It is the best place to study too. Unfortunately, a 20 oz. chai tea will keep you up untill all hours of the night. I know this first hand people. But it is so good...yum! Life is just really good right now. We are thinking about getting a frog. A little tree frog to keep around and say hello to every once in awhile. I like animals. Apartments should let you keep at least cats in them. Argh...! Anyhow my friends, it is time for me to sleep. I will write soon! (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 13th, 2002
8:34 pm	a little stressed went to the grocery store today and spent WAY too much money. i have a major anatomy/physiology test tomorrow (monday) and i all ready know i should have studied more this weekend. but seriously, what can you do? just take the time you have and make it the most worthwhile you can. i need a break though, which is why i decided to write. hee hee. my room is a mess. i went home this weekend to celebrate my beau's birthday with him and it was a lot of fun. eating way too much junk food and making way too big of a mess baking a cake. it was an all day thing for me to make this cake for him yesterday, but oh well, it was fun. i got to see eric on friday (we hung out after matt's suprise b-day party/gathering). eric is so wonderful. not only am i blessed for having met matthew all ready (for those of you who don't know, matt is my soulmate) i have gotten a GREAT friend out of eric. it makes me so sad b/c i think he doesn't have the confidence he should in life. i sometime think he doesn't believe that he doesn't have anything to offer in this world (not a suicidal thing or anything). what i don't think he realizes is that he is really a poet. he really does find beauty everywhere, and I think that would classify him as a poet. he is also working this medial (i think that is how you say it) job when he is absolutely brilliant and could be a rocket scientist (which i think he could/ and maybe wants to be) if he gave himself the chance. i think people need to take more risks in the world. i am one of those people too. i should wake up and not put mascara on for one day. i know that sounds stupid, but i always have mascara on. or i should just walk up to somebody who looks interesting and make a friend. there is this guy in my anthropology class with a mo-hawk and he really seems like the most interesting, intelligent person. and we smile and say hi to each other, but our conversations have not gone farther then that. and it's not like i want a relationship with him, i am deeply in love with matt. but i would like to hang out with someone who does take risks. he walks around with a mo-hawk and isn't afraid to smile at preppy girls. for some reason, i think that's gutsy. i dunno. i think life is just too short for us not to take risks. so i am gonna try and stop being so timid. maybe i will wear a mini-skirt out for my boyfriend. maybe i will march right up to mo-hawk boy tomorrow and actually ask his name. i need to take more risks. i think my dad has taught me that. man is he gutsy. for someone who started in shipping (actually taking boxes off trucks) and is now an executive at motorola, he had to take risks and be gutsy. sorry that i had to unload my theories on life on all you people (al). but maybe you agree with me and maybe the fact that i am gonna do something like that will make you want to do it too! Current Mood: thoughtful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 10th, 2002
9:39 am	matt's birthday it's my beau's birthday today! woo hoo! boy, he is getting old. well, not really because he is young at heart. beth is driving me crazy. she thinks i am mad at her, but i am not. this is girl is freaking psycho people. she gets these ideas in her head and then says things that are TOTALLY made up. for example, she thinks tammie and i are mad at her, even though we have explained to her like three times this week that we are not mad. so, even with all this explanation, she has decided that we are just not worthy to talk to and has stopped it all together. i don't get her. she is the worst roomate ever too! she doesn't clean (tammie and i clean the apartment once a week, vacuum, clean the sink ext.). i have been the only one to clean the bathroom which pisses me off because she doesn't even say thank you (and i am one of those girls that when i say clean, i mean CLEAN! on my hands and knees kinda clean). plus! she eats all of tammie's and i's food. (sorry to bitch so much people, but i gots to do it somewhere). tammie and i bought a gallon of milk on saturday, it was gone on tuesday. how much did tammie and i have you ask? three bowls of cereal b/w us (which is really not that much milk). i bought a bag of oreos, i have had maybe 3...tammie has had 6 i think...well, the rest of the bag is pretty much gone...i wonder who ate them all! plus she ate all of my jam (people, if you thought i was psycho about tea, don't even get me started on jam, i know, i should live in england). but this is special jam. you can only buy it in oregon (or at least it is the only place i have been able to find it) and i use very little at a time (so you know it will last a long time). it is practically gone. i really want to just kick her ass and be like "dude, if you are gonna eat people's stuff, ask first!" this food thing has been happening for awhile now. tammie and i thought we were eating a lot of food, turns out that she has been eating it for us. oh! and she also drank all of my juice (i went and bought special juice people, i don't buy juice or oreos, these were my treats when i need something sweet and she has stolen my treats from me...) i wouldn't be so pissed off either if we hadn't established the DAY we moved in that we would each buy our own food so this kinda shit didn't happen. why must i live with someone who is so ungrateful and rude?! i guess this is nothing a swift kick to the head wouldn't fix...but still. oh well. i am glad it's matt's birthday! it's always fun to have something to celebrate! party!!! (Comment on this)